don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
