I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
