My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
