fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
