Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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