Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
