Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
