I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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