She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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