I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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