About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
