if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
