my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I did not marry a roomba.
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