Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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