so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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