Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
