OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
