Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Randomize
