I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
