Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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