i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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