There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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