whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
