Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
