I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
