mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
