how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
