We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
