I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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