It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
