I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
