She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
