WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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