Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
