Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
