yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
