Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
