kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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