I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
