don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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