It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
