this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Acid is not a monday night drug
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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