My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
