lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm going to jail i love you
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
