Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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