Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
