I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
