but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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