What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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