i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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